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Love & Sex: Are We Ever Too Old?

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Gerontology Expert dispels the myths surrounding sex and the elderly.

Just spend five minutes thumbing through the pages of a magazine or flipping through the channels on your TV and it doesn’t take too long to pick up on a running theme in our culture: sex and love are only for the young. Most of us, at least until we reach our golden years, find it hard to believe that our parents and grandparents actually have sex. We shudder to think that the wizened and sometimes frail elderly people in our lives might actually think about sex, let alone engage in sexual activities. But according to the National Center on Longevity, 39% of seniors would like more sex than they’re getting.

When we watch movies or television, the passionate love scenes are typically played out between young and ‘sexy’ actors. Onscreen, sex between seniors is often fodder for comedy—perhaps that’s because we’ve been conditioned to believe that as we age, our interest in sex wanes. But in real life, wrinkles and gray hair don’t cause sexual desires to come to a screeching halt according to Gerontology expert and author Nieli Langer.

“Just because we get older our desire for intimacy doesn’t disappear,” says Langer. “We have a real stumbling block in our country when it comes to recognizing that sexuality is a fundamental dimension of all human beings; whether you are 25 or 65, the need for love, sex and belonging are normal, natural and vital for life.” In her new book, Love & Sex: ARE WE EVER TOO OLD? Langer dispels the myths and negativity surrounding sex and the elderly.

Not one to shrink from thorny topics, she discusses hot button issues such as why sexual relationships between residents of assisted living facilities or nursing homes can be a source of controversy, the hostility grown children may feel towards a parent’s paramour, and the need to recognize the significance of the bond between aging gay and lesbian couples. Love & Sex is sprinkled with witty cartoons, poems and photos to help shed more light on the bonding and devotion that still occur later in life.

Love & Sex also takes a close look at how religion and politics have helped mold our perceptions of sex and the elderly. “Sexuality is one of the least understood aspects of aging,” says Langer. “Collectively, our religious backgrounds, family beliefs and sense of self contribute to the tendency to cloak our sexuality in secrecy. The time has come to educate the general public about the sexual needs and feelings of older adults.”

With 78 million Baby Boomers marching towards retirement, Langer believes the Baby Boomers will play a pivotal role in changing attitudes about late-life love and relationships. “When you look at their influence on civil rights, women’s rights and the Vietnam War, you can see how the Baby Boomers have shaped so many areas of life in America as we know it,” says Langer. “Now, they are the best educated and largest cohort of older adults the world has ever seen. They will be a driving force in liberating sexuality and showing the world that your love life doesn’t have to slow down as you get older.”

Love & Sex tackles the sensitive questions that you wanted to know, but have hesitated to ask, including:

-Why have the sex lives of older adults not been seriously addressed?
-What affects sexual behavior later in life?
-What are some ‘normal’ changes men and women experience as they age?
-What are some sexual myths about the elderly?
-How can you keep the joy in your love life as you age?
-Why is it important to include all generations when it comes to talking about sexuality?

As the American population of seniors reaches historic proportions, the topic of sex and seniors will take an even greater place in the spotlight. Langer is one of the pioneers at the forefront, urging more people to join the discussion about sexuality and older adults. Love & Sex helps quash the negative stereotypes and ageist attitudes about sex and eloquently shows us that no matter how old we are, we never outgrow our need for love, belonging and intimacy.

Paperback: 110 pages
Publisher: Trafford Publishing, 2006
Available at: http://www.amazon.com, http://www.trafford.com

About The Author:

Nieli Langer, PhD holds a doctorate in social work with a specialty in gerontology. She is the author of two textbooks in gerontology: Aging Education: Teaching and Practice Strategies and Elder Practice: A Multidisciplinary Approach to Working with Older Adults in the Community. Langer has also published numerous articles and textbook chapters in various publications on the subject of gerontology. She currently teaches in the Graduate School of Human Services at the College of New Rochelle, New York. She is happily married to ‘the same great guy going on 40 years. The Langers live and work in New York and New Jersey. They have three children and 4 grandchildren.